By Stacey Axler and Cassie Schaefer<\/p>\n
1. So, I\u2019m dating this really cool guy. It\u2019s great, but we can never get any alone time because we both have roommates that never leave the room. Total hermits! What are we going to do? \u2013Horny at Hood<\/p>\n
Roommates can be annoying, as we all know, but there are plenty of other places on campus where you two can get intimate, if you\u2019d like. For instance, there are plenty of trees on campus. At night, the trees cast rather large shadows where even those gazillion watt bulbs from the new lamp posts can\u2019t reach. If it\u2019s raining, the elevators in the dorms are always open for business. Last year, a few people got so hot and bothered in Smith\u2019s elevator that it even caught fire! If you are not really the outdoorsy type or are afraid of fire hazards, there are several other nooks and crannies around Hood where he can stick his nook into your cranny. Study rooms in the library, janitor\u2019s closets, the construction site for the new athletic center, couches outside of Student Life, and the steps of Coblentz (off to the left, of course, so people can walk around you for lunch).\u00a0<\/p>\n
2. It keeps raining and I don\u2019t have a raincoat or an umbrella. I keep getting wet. So, what should I do? \u2013 Moist in Meyran<\/p>\n
There are plenty of options in order to keep your head dry on rainy days. Probably the easiest and cheapest way to solve this problem is to start walking on your hands everywhere you go. This will keep your hair dry as you walk around campus. Also, as an added bonus, it works wonders to volumize your \u2018do! And forget P90X! We promise, by the end of the semester, you\u2019ll have more tone to your arms than the Governator himself.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
3. I\u2019ll admit it, I\u2019m lazy. I don\u2019t feel like doing homework. All of my classes are during prime napping hours. It\u2019s such a bummer. Do you know of any ways I can get motivated for school? \u2013 Slacker in Smith<\/p>\n
We used to have a similar problem when trying to house train my dog.Dudleynever wanted to tinkle outside. In order to motivate him get the job done, we gave him a treat every time he did it. So, find whatever treat you\u2019d be interested in receiving, and reward yourself every time you go to class, complete an assignment, or accomplish any number of decidedly un-fun tasks. Those treats could be cookies or shots of your favorite alcoholic beverage* or anything that gets you motivated to finish.<\/p>\n
*Warning: Do not reward yourself with shots for successfully waking up for your early morning chemistry lab; drunkenly spilling eight molar acid on yourself is not fun.<\/p>\n
4. There are so many changes on campus since last semester!\u00a0 While the renovations are so pretty, I oftentimes find myself wondering where I am, lost in the sea of new promenades and sidewalks.\u00a0 What should I do to navigate the vastly improved campus? \u2013Lost at Hood<\/p>\n
The new campus renovations are wonderful!\u00a0 Look at it this way: everyone needs a roadmap to find success.\u00a0 If you are having trouble navigating through the campus, there are several solutions you can choose!\u00a0 First, you can mark your territory, not in an offensive, animalistic way, but by dropping breadcrumbs on the path when you walk along.\u00a0 Then you can follow the marking right back to your residence hall!\u00a0 As an added bonus, you will be subsequently feeding the little woodland creatures: the birds, rabbits, and squirrels that live on campus.<\/p>\n
5. Now that I am in college, I want to become more sophisticated!\u00a0 How do I go about doing this?\u00a0 -First-year Fancypants<\/p>\n
The goal to acting sophisticated is simple\u2026just don\u2019t act like you are acting now!\u00a0 Try to add a little bit of \u201cfancy\u201d to your day.\u00a0 Fancy things like drinking black coffee, listening to Bach, reading Shakespeare, and buying a horse drawn carriage will definitely make you fancier, thus causing you to act more sophisticated!<\/p>\n
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