By: Katie Triplett
Many relationship experts have written books and articles on finding the right guy, how to know if he’s the one, or any other form of the topic.
Well, if you’re anything like me, you’re more likely to take advice on what not to do, or who not to look for in a partner. Let’s call this a more backwards approach to finding Mr. Right.
Trust me, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you realize what it takes to find your prince. So here are some pieces of advice from my experiences on who to stay away from and who you might want to consider when finding Mr. Right.
Five Signs That He’s Probably Not the Right Guy For You:
Number One:
You’re out with friends, maybe at a bar, a restaurant, or even a party. Wherever you may be, you notice a cute guy sitting across the room and want to approach him. You go up to this guy, and he seems nice but not very talkative.
This guy with his devilish good looks doesn’t make a whole lot of eye contact, but agrees to exchange numbers. A red flag goes up, and it should. If a guy is into a girl, he will approach her.
Call me old fashioned, but it’s true. However, there are few exceptions to this rule. Sometimes guys are just plain shy. Men just need a kick or an extra boost of confidence to be hooked and take the line. If you cast out the fishing line, and they’re interested, they will bite. It’s as simple as that. If you don’t get a bite, don’t worry ladies, draw back the line and cast it in other waters. You’ll eventually find a keeper.
Number Two:
After a few dates, he introduces you to his family. It’s important to pay attention to the way he was brought up and the people who brought him up. I’ve learned through my experiences, a man’s upbringing affects the way he behaves in a relationship and how he will treat you.
If your guy was brought up in a loving, caring household with a close-knit family, chances are he has a good foundation of family values. He will most likely be kind, and affectionate. If he was brought up under just the opposite conditions, or by a family that isn’t very close, affectionate, or doesn’t spend much time together, chances are it may have affected the way he acts in a relationship with you. People are shaped by their environment. A lot of times you’ll find that the way a person’s parents raised them can affect how they act in a relationship.
Number Three:
If you are becoming overwhelmed with feelings of doubt, it could be because of him. There’s a little thing we all have deep down inside of us, called intuition. Most girls don’t always follow their gut feeling, which in the short run may not seem like a good idea, but in the long run, can save a lot of heartache. For example, if a guy seems completely into you, calls when he says he’s going to, compliments you, acts affectionately, takes you to meet his parents, chances are he really likes you. You don’t get any bad gut feelings because he hasn’t given you any reason otherwise, right?
On the contrary, if your guy starts to act distant, barely calls you, or acts unaffectionate, chances are he’s not really into the relationship. Mr. Not So Right may even be cheating on you. Go with your gut –chances are you’re probably right.
Number Four:
A relationship should be 50/50, but if you’re lucky enough to meet a really nice guy, it’ll be 70/30. He gives 70 percent of effort towards the relationship, you give 30 percent. A lot of times, girls these days will do everything for a man. She’ll do his dirty laundry, cook his dinner, and even do the dishes afterwards. She’ll pay for everything, clean the house, make the bed, do all the driving, all while he lies around and does nothing.
Huge red flag here ladies! How does the song go? It takes two baby! I know so many smart, attractive, great women who let men walk all over them, and what’s worse is the men who let women do everything for them. Don’t be a doormat! The relationship should be a give and take situation; you both do for each other. The relationship should never be one person doing everything while the other sits around and does all the taking.
Number Five:
When opening up in a relationship, and revealing personal or even intimate information, there are a few things that are vital to know and tell. Infidelity is an important issue to talk about. If your man admits to you that he has cheated in a relationship before, it’s important for you and the future of your relationship to inquire further into what happened and if it has ever happened again.
I am a firm believer in the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Now there are exceptions to every rule. He admits to you that he has cheated on an ex, felt horrible about what happened, and would never cheat on a girlfriend ever again. His ex dumped him and wouldn’t take him back, he learned a hard lesson here, and kicked himself for it, repeatedly.
Your man is probably being sincere about the mistake he made. Just keep in mind that he has cheated before and it could become a problem for him later in your relationship. Coming from someone who has made this mistake, once you cheat on your partner, it becomes easier to do it again.
What’s done is done and at this point, you’ve already lost all respect in the relationship and can’t go back. When it comes to cheating, all respect has gone out the door; this behavior doesn’t demonstrate love. Cheating is a tough one to deal with, because once the trust has been broken, it’d hard to gain it back.
Five Signs That He’s Probably The Right Guy For You:
Number One:
Men don’t always pay particular attention to every detail of every story that comes out of your mouth. So, if you can actually find a guy who not only appears to be listening to what you say, but actually remembers the small things, like your favorite restaurant or how you like your steak cooked, attention to what you’re saying means his attention is on you.
Number Two:
He musters up the courage to come up to you and introduce himself. Yes there are exceptions to this. Sure it’s okay to go up to the guy and make the first move, but if he goes for the kill first, chances are he’s interested. Trust me, if the guy likes you, he will ask you out. If he doesn’t, then he either doesn’t have the gumption or he’s not that into you. His loss, not yours.
Number Three:
First date, he pays. Call me old fashioned again but it’s just how it works. Keep in mind, you may want to offer to leave the tip. It makes you look humble, and he’ll appreciate the offer. He should say “No, put your money away,” but if accepts the tip offer, he’s still a nice guy.
A nice guy doesn’t always try and smooch you on the first date, or if he does, it’s a light peck or a kiss on the cheek. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, necessarily, it means he’s a gentleman, a nice guy. Mr. Right opens car doors, restaurant doors, any door for that matter. Chivalry is not dead, ladies. Let him treat you like the lady you are.
Number Four:
A nice guy wants to be “together”. He wants you to be “his” girl. If a guy thinks you’re a catch or believes that you could be the one, he’s not going to let you get away, or take the chance on losing you to somebody else. He makes it apparent that you two are seeing each other and only each other.
Number Five:
He puts your needs first. Asks you what you would like to do. How you feel. When someone really cares about another person, they put their own needs aside to meet the needs of the person they care about. If he seems like he genuinely wants to know how you feel, chances are he’s a keeper.
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